What Might Have Been/What Can Never Be

     I meet people all the time that suffer from the syndrome of what might have been or what can never be in life. They are always the most unhappy people. Lost in the past, wishing they could see a different future, missing the right now. We were all born with tremendous gifts to give the world, but if we cant let go of the might have been/what can never be’s then we may never find them.     

     I know in my case I might have been a better student when I was young and a better daughter. I might have given in and married my oldest daughters Dad, or tried harder and stayed in either of my marriages. I might have gone to the church of my family and found God in a box that was always to small for me. I might have been a better parent and thought out some decisions that I had no idea were probably not the best at the time. I might have been a better friend probably more times than I can count. I might have been, I might have been, I might have been……….    

     Most of our list of the can never be’s come from the might have beens. Most of the things from my past that I can find to dwell on could easily all lead to something that can never be. For instance if I had married my oldest daughters Dad, then he would have never had his other daughter. If she would have never been born then she could have never died and if she had never died, then my daughter might not have ever got lost in her sadness and then a drug addiction. All of that is one long can never be and the reality is that no matter how long I spent dwelling on that scenario….it can never be. I know that there are relationships of all kinds and a multitude of other squandered opportunities that would also exist on that list if I cared to make it.     

     There comes a time in our lives when we have to make a choice, do we live in regret and wonder or do we LIVE ? I have made mistakes, probably more than I care to count, but from those mistakes I learned, I grew and I landed right in the middle of a wonderful life. For all of my mistakes I have so many more blessings, I have had more good days than bad. I have smiled so much more than I have cried. I have loved more than I have hated and been  loved more than I know. Sometimes when we stop being disappointed in ourselves long enough and embrace our individual journey (mistakes and all) we find out we are already exactly who we are supposed to be.