Fear and Trust

 

 

The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.~H. P. Lovecraft

 

Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here. ~ Unknown

 

 

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves – regret for the past and fear of the future.” ~Fulton Oursler

 

“You block your dream when you allow fear to grow bigger than your faith”. ~ Mary Manin Morrissey

 

“Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of fear is freedom”. ~ Marilyn Ferguson

 

     I could go on and on with pages of quotes on fear. Everyone talks about fear, having it, overcoming it, fighting through it. We all talk about it because at some point in our lives we all experience it. I obviously do, or I wouldn’t write a blog that is ultimately the pursuit of living life with no fear. Most of the time I have a good grip on the things that I fear, or once feared and I am able to walk through them with little or no thought, but some things are proving to be much harder to overcome.

 

     I had a disagreement yesterday with someone that I consider to be one of my best friends. In the end we worked everything out and I know we will be closer than ever. Truth is there wasn’t really much to the whole thing, the underlying reason for it all was I did something to bring his fears of trusting people to the surface, and in trying to talk about it he brought out the same in me. After all each person in our lives is only a reflection of our selves.  The best part about the whole thing was to be able to look in that mirror and realize how deep my fear of putting my trust in others really goes. I knew I didn’t have much faith in people that I get romantically involved in, but I hadn’t realized that this fear had actually filtered into all of my other relationships as well.

 

     The dictionary definition of trust; reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc of a person. I can count on one hand the number of people that I have ever let far enough in my life to ever become someone that I actually rely on. Which of course if you know anything about the theories of judgment means that the person that I really don’t trust is myself. It’s hard to trust someone else if you don’t trust the person you meet in the mirror everyday. All that fear that I am letting go of really comes down to one thing, do I jump off the cliff trusting in faith that I can fly or do I stay sitting at the top of the mountain because I’m afraid I might fall ?  I guess the answer to that question lies in the next one….what’s the worst thing that could happen if I do fall, fail, pick the wrong person to be in my life, make a wrong turn or get lost ? Will it be the end of the world that I like to make it out to be or will I be able to see it for what it is, a stepping stone to becoming the person that I am meant to be. After all in order to grow we have to make a mistake every now and then.

 

     My new challenge is to learn to trust myself. To know that no matter what the outcome, I did the right thing. To understand that even when the rest of the world thinks I’m crazy, I still know what I am doing and ultimately I am doing the thing that is best for me. If someone doesn’t live up to my expectations of them, I won’t take that as a sign that I can’t trust them or myself. It will be what it is, a reminder to not have expectations of anyone except myself. I am after all the only person that I can truly hold accountable for anything. If the other side of my fear is the freedom to completely trust myself, then I say freedom here I come.

 

I trust my soul. My only goal is just to be. There’s only now, there’s only here. Give into love or live in fear. No other path, no other way. No other day, but today. ~ Jonathan Larson

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