My Eulogy

     I have been tasked today as part of a class assignment to write my own eulogy. To project myself into the future and write about my life as if I had lived all of my dreams. To put on paper all of the things that I hope that people will remember about me when I transition from this life to the next. I have done this assignment one other time and I did it just the way it was assigned, looking out into a future that has yet come to pass and trying to imagine all of the things that I would like to accomplish before I die. This time however I am struggling with that. Not because I can’t imagine accomplishing great things in my life, but because I know that I already have. Because on the quest to write about and imagine the perfect life, sometimes we forget that maybe, just maybe we are living the perfect life, despite all appearances to the contrary.

 

     SO HERE GOES….

 

     Jeannie McCall died today, but she didn’t leave this world in the usual way. Today she left behind all of the things that she judged as not being good enough to be a part of her experience here on earth. She left behind the judgment that she wasn’t good enough, or worthy of the things in this life that she wanted. She finally today, embraced the fact that she had a contribution to make to this world with a certainty that she had never known before.

 

     Jeannie truly realized just today that it is through our darkness that we find our light. That if we take the journey through ourselves that some fear to make, that we ALWAYS come out the other side with an understanding that not only is life fair, but the parts we label as dark are the most beautiful in the end. That is of course if we choose to search for the lessons that are hidden within. That is a gift that there is no doubt she gave to countless others.

 

     Jeannie observed life in a different way than most other people in the world. She knew that her life and her reality was her own responsibility and that if she wasn’t happy, it was no one’s fault except her own. Realizing that peace and happiness can only come from within, today she died to the idea that she would ever truly find it elsewhere.

 

     Today as Jeannie transitioned from this life to the next she knew without a doubt that there were two things that mattered above all others in this life. The first of those is unconditional love. That is to love with all your heart with no expectation of someone changing to be who you think they should be. She carried in her heart the gift of accepting you right now, just as you are. AND today….just today she died to the idea that she was herself not worthy of that kind of love. BECAUSE today for she gave to herself, the same kind of complete and total unconditional love that she had always given to others.

 

     The second she put even above love, because without it even the light of love was dimmer. What could she have possibly valued above love….?  Passion, because without passion …..well Jeannie always believed that this quote  by Joss Whedon summed it up…

   

“ Passion, it lies in all of us, sleeping…waiting…and though unwanted…unbidden…it will stir open its jaws and howl. It speaks to us…guides us….passion rules us all, and we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love… the clarity of hatred…and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion maybe we’d know some kind of peace…but we would be hollow empty rooms shuttered and dank. Without passion we’d be truly dead.”

 

     Jeannie McCall died today, but she didn’t leave this world in the usual way…