My Fearless and Fabulous Life

Who I Am

     I have to write a speech for a public speaking class. The subject, Me. More specifically the title “Who I Am.” I thought it was going to be an easy project I’d get out an old speech I gave at a Toast Masters meeting a few years ago, update it a little and be good to go. The problem with that is in just four years time, it doesn’t require just a little update, it needs an entire rewrite. Who knew one life could change so much in such a seemingly short amount of time.     

     Four years ago the biggest worry I had in my life was that my oldest daughter had just got a car, and a drivers license. Looking back I can’t believe that my life was ever that simple. Since that time one of my daughters lost her boyfriend to suicide, and we almost lost my other daughter to heroin  addiction. That was the hard way to find out that there are far worse things than turning a sixteen year old loose on the streets of the city in her first car.    

     Tonight I am searching for the words that define who I am and finding them hard to come by. One of the reasons that I know that it’s so hard is that the answer evolves daily. Everyday I change, evolve, learn and grow. There are some things, that I know have become so much a part of me that they will always be in the definition of me. I am someone who never takes the simple things for granted anymore and I’m grateful daily for my life. I try to not get caught up in them when bad things come my way, because I know that somewhere in them there is something beautiful waiting to be born. I am all of my yesterdays and my today combined to make me who I choose to be in this moment. I know it’s not enough to turn into a five minute speech, but it’s a good start on the road to defining who I am. I’ll keep you posted as I discover new depths to the answer to that question. 

I Love It when It Rains

     I love it when it rains. We don’t get nearly enough here in the desert. It has rained all day today. While I hear others grumble and complain, the rain always keeps a smile on my face. Most days here in Phoenix are predictable. They offer sunshine, with a side of sunshine and for dessert…a beautiful plate of sunshine. Don’t get me wrong I love the sun and I know that most of you who are lacking in sunshine, (especially this time of year) would love to soak up so all the golden rays you can get. Me…..I’ll take the rain.     

     In my mind there is something magical about the rain. It washes everything clean and offers up a fresh start. The rain brings us flowers, green grass and puddles to jump in. Clouds to stare at and beautiful lightening storms brought to you by…you guessed it, rain. Memories of your children running around like they are being covered with liquid gold, and splashing in puddles……priceless.     

     I read something in a book one time that said something about when it rains you should go out in it and just for a moment imagine that you are receiving blessings from the divine. So next time it rains (when it’s warm enough) remember that you’re never to old to dance in the rain, splash in the puddles or appreciate the blessing that is rain. With those things in mind go outside and enjoy your gift. Did I mention I love it when it rains ? 

My Greatest Teachers...A.K.A. The Hero's Journey (Pt. 4)

The next step in our Hero’s journey is to find a mentor or a teacher to guide us along the way. Throughout my  journey I have been privileged enough to find many teachers. Some of them have stayed in my life long term and some have just passed through to teach me a small lesson.  I feel tremendous gratitude for all of the people who have come into my life to teach me something. I believe out of everyone I consider to be my teachers I have learned the most from those that I am supposed to be teaching, my daughters.     

     My greatest lessons from Ashton are the one’s she teaches me about being yourself no matter what anyone else thinks. When she was younger she used to conform to whatever she thought everyone else wanted her to be. It has been amazing to watch her transform into her own person, that says what she wants, wears what she wants and does what she wants. I don’t think she knows how much I look up to her for figuring that one out so young.  Ashton has become my brightly colored, always chipper and full of love role model for the be who you are club.     

     From Alyssa I learn what true strength looks like. During the darkest of times for her I have watched her get up, put a smile on and go out and make life keep happening. I don’t know if I could have done the same in her situation when I was her age. This year she faced the death of someone she loved and she has handled it with the grace of someone twice her age. She is my light in the dark and my beacon of strength during the storm.     

     For everything I’ve taught my daughters I know they’ve taught me so much more. When I grow up I hope to be half as amazing as they are. The best thing I ever thought I did was raise two amazing girls, but the truth is the best thing they have done so far is raise me. Our teachers may not always be who we expect them to be, and though I’ve had many great one’s no one will ever teach me as much as they have.  I am privileged to be on my journey with my girls to help show me the way.